Private Vows vs. Ceremony Vows: Which Is Right for You?

Your vows are one of the most meaningful parts of the wedding, and you have more choices about how to say them than most couples realize. You can share them privately, say them during the ceremony, or do a bit of both. Here's how to think it through.

Option 1: Private vows

Private vows are exchanged with just the two of you. If saying something personal in front of a crowd makes you nervous, this takes the pressure off. You can be as sentimental, funny or specific as you like, and the moment belongs only to you.

Private vows work well for couples who want something more personal, or whose ceremony is short and formal.

Option 2: Ceremony vows

Saying your vows in front of everyone brings your family and friends into the moment. Guests feel closer to you when they hear your own words, and it sets the tone for the rest of the celebration.

This works best if you're comfortable showing your feelings in front of people and want the vows at the center of the ceremony.

Option 3: Both

You don't have to choose. Some couples read longer, personal vows to each other privately before the ceremony, then say shorter, traditional vows in front of their guests. Others write letters to exchange in private and keep the ceremony vows classic.

Tips for writing your vows

• Think about your relationship and what makes your partner who they are.
• Your vows don't need to be perfect, just true.
• If you're saying them in front of people, practice out loud first so you feel confident.
• Tell your officiant what you're planning so they can build the ceremony around it.

There's no wrong answer, as long as it feels like the two of you. I've photographed quiet private exchanges and vows in front of a full room, and each has its own kind of moment.

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